Love and Loss
by IAmTheWinterSoldier
Summary: Nyota realizes Spock is not as unemotional as he appears to be, especially after the destruction of Vulcan.


Author's Note:

I was bored. Wrote it on my iPod. I don't own anything, no matter how hard I wish I did... Now working on a "What if?" scenario.

Love and Loss

"I'm losing her I'm losing her I'm losing her!" Ensign Chekov exclaimed. Spock had just been beamed back from the surface of Vulcan. He appeared with several Vulcan elders, his arm outstretched, as if he were trying to reach someone. I knew in an instant that 'her' was his human mother. I looked at his heartbroken face, and my heart began to break with him. I watched as he walked to the disc where his mother was supposed to be and look down, as if she was going to magically appear. I could tell that he knew there was nothing anyone could do. I wanted to run up to him right then, wrap my arms around him and tell him everything was going to be ok. I wanted to, but I knew I couldn't. Not in front of the rest of the crew.

Later that day, I watched Spock stand up and walk to the turbo-lift. I took out my earpiece and followed him. I was able to walk in right before the door closed. I looked up into his dark brown eyes and sighed, contemplating what to say to him.

"I'm sorry," I said, "I'm so, so sorry." I then kissed him on the lips, his cheek, and finally his neck, before wrapping my arms around him in a warm embrace. He proceeded to accept and return the embrace. After a few seconds I started talking again. "What do you need? Anything. What do you need?"

"I need everyone to continue performing admirably."

"Ok. Ok." Before the door opened, I took one last opportunity and kissed him again on the lips. This time, instead of just standing there and letting me, he accepted it and returned the kiss. From the moment our lips touched, I knew I loved him. I wanted to do anything I could to comfort him. He needed it. Although he would not admit anything, I knew what he was thinking. I watched him leave the lift as I desperately tried to hold back tears. Once the door closed behind him, I silently began to weep.

The next day, I followed him to his quarters and stood outside the door. I pushed the 'doorbell' to let him know I was there.

"Enter," a tired voice replied. I walked inside to find Spock sitting on his bed.

"Hello. I just wanted to come see how you were doing."

"I appreciate the thought Nyota; however I do not feel that your comfort is necessary."

"At least let me stay the night here and watch you. Unless you want me to return to my quarters."

"I am a Vulcan. Vulcans can get by on little to no sleep. I do however wish for you to stay. You can sleep while I watch over you."

"Spock, I can't ask you to do that."

"Nyota. I can assure you that I will be fine." I reluctantly agreed and lay down on the bed, leaving enough room for Spock to resume his position on the side. He put his hand on my face and pushed some loose strands of my hair behind my ear.

I soon fell into a deep sleep, dreaming about Spock. A few hours later, I woke up and felt something around my stomach. I turned around to find Spock lying behind me with his arms wrapped around me. I turned to face him and moved closer to him, putting my head on his chest. I moved my head to his shoulder and gently nudged him. He turned his head so he could look at me and gently kissed my forehead. I smiled and moved closer.

He was 1/2 Vulcan and 1/2 human, so I'm sure it was difficult for him to control his emotions, especially in a situation like this.

"If you don't mind my asking, what was your life like as a child?"

"Difficult. As a child, I was teased by other Vulcan children named T'Lau, V'Las and I cannot remember the name of the other one. They called my father a traitor for marrying my mother, a 'human whore.' I fought them. I loved her."

"Oh Spock, I'm so sorry. I-"

"It is fine Nyota." I kissed him and lay back down. It must have been difficult for him to hear his mother called a human whore. I felt awful for him, and I wanted nothing more than to help him. I would do whatever it took to complete that task.

The next day, Jim was marooned on Delta Vega by Spock because he was being difficult and did not want to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet in the Laurentian system. I didn't want to do anything to contradict the captain, so I just kept quiet.

About 2 hours later, Jim returned to the ship with another, Scottish, man. After being questioned by the captain, Jim made a near-fatal mistake.

He was lecturing the captain about the 'merit of emotion'. Spock told Jim to back away from him several times, but he didn't listen.

"You NEVER loved her!" Jim shouted. That set Spock off. With a cry of anger, he lunged towards the first officer. The crew watched in horror as the fight unfolded. Jim was a strong fighter, but Spock was definitely the stronger man. He was also more aggressive, giving him an advantage. Within seconds, Spock had Jim down on a control panel hands on his neck. Jim was struggling to breath and would die if no one did anything.

"Spock," his father said sternly. Spock kept his hands on Jim for five more seconds then let him go. Jim sat up coughing, still trying to regain his breath. Spock told the doctor that he was no longer fit for duty, and to note the time and date in the ships log.

I followed him to the turbo-lift and looked up at him. He obviously wished to be left alone, and I respected it. Shortly after Spock left, his father turned and left, but not before giving Jim a stern look of disapproval.

"I like this ship! You know it's exciting!" Scotty exclaimed.

"That's just great!" Bones exclaimed, "Now we have no captain and no first officer to replace him."

"Ya we do," Jim said.

"What?"

"Pike made him first officer," Sulu pointed out.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"Thanks for the support," Jim said sarcastically.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing CAPTAIN," I said emphasizing the last word.

"Me too."

I had to go find Spock. I knew he would need comfort after Jim told him he never loved his mother. I knew he did. Although Vulcans are taught to suppress their emotions, I could tell that he loved her from what he had told me about her.

His human side was showing more and more every day. I needed to help him.

That night, when I went to bed, I decided to dream up ways I could help him. I fell asleep contemplating every possible way I could help. Suddenly, my communicator started beeping.

"Spock to lieutenant Uhura," the voice on the other end of the communicator said. I rolled over and picked my communicator up, wondering what Spock could want at 4 in the morning.

"I'm here," I told him.

"I wish to see you. Do I have permission to come to your quarters?"

"That's fine."

"I will be there soon." I lay in silence as I waited for the commander to come. I was starting to become nervous. I wondered if he was all right. Suddenly, I heard the buzzer go off.

"Come in." Spock entered my quarters, and when I stood up, ran over to me and wrapped me in his arms. He was holding me so tight, that I could barely breathe.

"I apologize Nyota. I-"

"It's fine. What is it Spock? What's wrong?"

"It was a... Nightmare as you would say."

"Oh?"

"I was on Vulcan. You were there with me. You fell into the black hole. I lost you. I never want that to happen."

"Oh Spock. You know I will always be here for you. I promise I will never leave you."

"That is an... Illogical promise to make."

"I'll live in a bubble if I have to. I will do anything I can to help you."

"Thank you my Nyota." I smiled and kissed him.

"Everything is going to be alright. Can you trust me?"

"Yes my k'diwa. I believe it would be logical for me to leave now. I thank you for your comfort."

"Spock. You don't have to leave."

"We have already spent too much time together."

"At least stay here tonight. Please? It will make me feel better."

"If it will put your mind at ease, then yes, I will stay."

"Ok."

"I apologize for waking you up at 4 in the morning."

"It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure k'diwa?"

"Yes. I am."

I lay back down and let him wrap his arms around me. I knew he loved his mother and I would do whatever I could to help him.

As we lay there, I knew I had to tell him.

"Are you alright my Nyota?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. There is something I need to tell you."

"Oh? What is that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I love you Spock. I really do. I love you more than anything."

"I love you too my Nyota, my beautiful, precious angel."

I blushed, happy the man I loved said he loved me too. He leaned over and kissed my forehead. All was well. For now...


End file.
